Feeling displaced

For weeks now, I have been sporadically trying to access my blog. I had forgotten even my username. Finally, the issue was resolved, and I just went though a tour of this virtual niche I worked so hard at creating for a number of years (and that would include my previous blog, as I switched to this new format because access to blogspot in Bangladesh was totally unreliable), reading the dozen of drafts never completed, looking at the pictures, and feeling profoundly… displaced. It all seems to belong to another life. And I can’t even decide whether I like it better now.

I miss some parts of that previous life, very much. I miss the heat. I miss the smells of Asia. I miss the colors. I miss the people, too. Being a bit of a loner, I realize, retrospectively, how comforting it was to always be surrounded with lots and lots of people, including inside your home. Or maybe I just got used to it. After all, I was practically never totally on my own all these years. And even if I was not actively engaged with everyone, it was company. Sometimes, it bothered me. Often? I’m not so sure anymore, so yeah, maybe I’m just never happy. But now that I’m back in a European setting, living a life with more European standards, I feel a loneliness I had not felt in a very long time – the type of loneliness I experienced when I lived alone in New York City, or in Paris.

Writing in this blog also makes me feel displaced, as if I’m somewhat entering a space where I don’t quite belong anymore. I will have to think about it, and decide what to do. Maybe close this blog, and create a new one, open a blank notebook, so I can start scribbling again. I hope.

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2 thoughts on “Feeling displaced

  1. Hello Dear Katia – You’re not alone! You have lots of friends hanging out in cyberspace just waiting to re-connect. I talk to Paula all the time and just talked to Nandini last night! Where are you living now? As you well know, there is always adjustment with transition. Perhaps you are exactly right – turn the page and begin blogging about your next great adventure! Hugs, Kiki

    • Hi Kiki, thanks 🙂 We are now in Serbia.The last months were so busy, preparing for the move, then going away for the summer, going back to Dhaka, and then moving to Belgrade, waiting for the shipment, and once it got here, unpacking and getting the house organized…, all the time trying to makes things as seemless as possible for my daughters. Now that it is all done, I need to reorganize my time, rebuild a new life for myself, with new people, in a new country, learn a new language, find activities outside of the house (I just found a Zumba class, yesterday, so that is sure to help) but it all takes time. I’m very proud of you and Nandini, and yes, I need to start writing again… Hugs back, thanks for popping in. Katia

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